This post almost didn’t come to pass for a few reasons – school being the biggest. The fact that it took me a long time to find a decent picture for this post causing me to think I really need to learn to draw.
Again, I didn’t find exactly what I wanted, so I settled for a picture of someone by the name of Amano Yukiteru – you may or may not have heard of him, I hadn’t before now, and still don’t know who he is. This picture came from http://www.fanpop.com/fans/KEISUKE_URAHARA who posted it on his/her blog.
I hope you enjoy this – we’re almost at the series finale.
“You actively looked to find me. Why?” The Beloved looked at but through her.
“To plead a case. To help. To …”
“To help? To help who? To help you? To help him?” Metatron pointed behind her to where Konnor was. Behind her she could hear him stir and sit up. “He’s to be … put to death … in a matter of speaking.” The Beloved’s voice was cold and emotionless as his eyes moved from her to a movement behind her that only he saw.
Karen quickly turned around when she saw him look past her. Her heart sank when she saw two beings approach Konnor and was about to move towards her twin, but Metatron grabbed her arm. Although she pulled, she could not escape his grasp and could only stand and watch helplessly as Konnor fell into the hands of two of Lucifer’s more sadistic generals. His eyes were wide with terror as he looked at her. Whether it was for his well-being or her own she couldn’t determine.
“He will be here soon, then your … twin … will be dealt with. You can go on your way afterwards, if Lucifer deems it so.”
“Why?” She kept staring at Konnor.
“Because this is his realm.”
She turned back to him. “No, why are you doing this? This isn’t you – this isn’t why you were created.”
He let her go, gave an exasperated grunt, turned and started walking away from her. He wasn’t worried that she would go and try to take Konnor away; those two wouldn’t listen to anyone save Lucifer, maybe him and they would definitely listen to The Four. Then again, everyone here listened to The Four.
“Wait!” she cried out.
“Wait? Wait for what?”
“Please, please don’t go. You don’t have to go.”
He stopped and turned towards her, finally letting his eyes acknowledge her presence. “And how do you know what I have to do?”
She bowed her head when he gazed upon her, not able to meet his eyes. “I don’t. I just know you don’t have to go to Lucifer.”
“You know nothing! You … you’re not even a half-breed.” There was pain in his voice at first, but the end of his sentence was laced with so much anger the first emotion would have been missed.
The obvious pierced her. Her status never mattered before, not really. Now he used it like a knife. “I know. I know I’m not. I know I am not what I once was.”
“You don’t even have the memories that … God … gave the half-breeds.”
“And you? You have all of them and more. You were here from the beginning and before. But it’s not the memories that make us. The brain fails, but the heart endures. That’s what so many fail to understand!”
He laughed. “Learned that from you ‘job’ did you?”
He frowned. “You say that only because it comforts you; the little lies that your kind keeps to help you through yet another day. Keep it then, there are very few comforts anywhere. Take them where you can.”
“My comfort comes from knowing that God loves me for who I am, for what I am.”
“God … doesn’t know what love is.”
“You can’t believe that.”
“You know nothing. You are Forgotten, it means to be tossed aside. You are nothing.”
“You look down on us because they do, because Lucifer does, because he’s convinced you to; he’s made you think our shortened memories and lives make us weak. Makes us inferior. But does having all those memories make you any better if you refuse to embrace them all? I know you’re First Gen, the Beloved…”
He spat on the ground. “Beloved. I am not beloved.”
“But you are!”
In three steps he was back in front of her. Had she been taller, they would have been face to face. She gasped as he towered over her and it took everything to keep from falling to her knees.
Konnor struggled against his bonds as he watched them. Next to him, he heard the generals laugh haughtily.
Metatron continued. “You who don’t have the memories of what transpired yesterday, you know nothing of what I am, what I’m not and what is never to be.”
“You don’t know that.”
“You talk of love but don’t even know what love is. You love a Second Gen who won’t love you and have the love of a Savior who you won’t even acknowledge.”
She looked at him confused by his words and wondered how the feeling could be misconstrued. “I love Gabriel because he is … my creator … my … my father – and I know he can’t love me the way a Terran father can, why he won’t.” Doubt started gnawing at the edges of her being but she was determined to keep above it. She didn’t want to be distracted.
He laughed angrily. “And still you call Gabriel a ‘him’.”
“Blame eons of upbringing, from a world that is male dominated in mentality.”
“I don’t have time for this.”
“How could you not? Time means nothing to you, time is a Terran creation as flawed as it is. Yes, it is fleeting as the Terrans are, as The Forgotten and Lowly; but love … love is everlasting.”
“There is only anger and hatred and sadness.”
“Because Lucifer’s put that into you. There is fear and jealousy here in his realm, no love because of him and he’s planted it all in you. Yes, in his eyes I am lower than the half-breeds; I have no life compared to you, to Michael, to Raphael, to Gabriel, to ….”
“You spout words that mean nothing to me.”
“Because my kind is unable to say your names.”
“Do you know why?”
“Does that really matter?”
“You dare speak to me like a Second Gen?”
“Don’t call me that! My name is….”
She squeezed her eyes shut, turned her head to the side and trembled. The sound coming from him as he said his name was awesome and terrible. Second only to God speaking directly to her. That would be her death and she knew it. This was the meaning of the hierarchy – not leveled per importance or job, not really, but by ‘blood’. How much Terran they had within them determined where they stood in the Heirarchy. She herself was closer to Terrans than The Beloved, who was closer to God. She fell to her knees.
Behind her the generals tightened their grip on Konnor as he also started to fall onto his knees.
“You are the Beloved.” she whispered again.
“I don’t know what love is.”
“No, that’s not true. Your very name emphasizes it. You know, but you’re afraid to admit it.”
“I fear nothing.”
“You fear God. You fear God doesn’t love you like you want her to.”
He smirked. “What, no ‘him’?”
She continued uninterrupted. “Why do you want God to be in love with you?”
Metatron paled and took a step back.
“Can’t you see that it’s enough for her to love you the way she needs to? Being ‘in love’ is ultimately selfish, but she cannot be that, so she gives you the purest form that she can. Purer than what she gives the Terrans. Not even the First Gens have that. Only you, you who are above all.”
“And you think you know love enough?”
“I know enough to know why you’re here. Because Lucifer’s jealous of…”
“You know …!” He stared at her for a moment, then looked over at Konnor. “You’re in love with Konnor; he will never love you the way you want him to.”
Her eyes grew wide and she turned to look behind her. “That’s not what Lucifer thought.” She whispered to The Beloved.
Konnor stopped moving and looked at both of them. His face was pale and his eyes were wide. He didn’t know. He saw the tears come to her eyes and felt his own water.
She turned back to Heaven’s Second. “I know why Konnor can’t. And it’s enough for me to know that he loves me the only way he can. The only way he’s able to, the way it was originally made to be. Love – how you’re defining it – that’s what the Terrans use, that’s their reasoning; that’s the only way they understand it and it is ultimately selfish…”
“You’ve already made that statement.”
“No, listen, it is for us – for the Terrans, for the Forgotten, for Saviors, for Half-Breeds. Maybe it is better with Lucifer’s ‘creations’: the Lowly, the Imps and the Assunders – they are the fallen immortal, but they don’t know love. But not for you, not for the angels, not any of them. It would destroy Konnor to ‘fall in love’ only to have it taken away from him. He may be my twin, he may be fallen, but he is immortal.”
“And yet you think I need to go through that again.”
“You’ve never been through it. You … how do you know what being ‘in love’ is?”
“Metatron looked away from her for a moment.
“God never left you. God is still there, and God still loves you.”
“But not in love! Enough! Leave! I hear Lucifer coming. I … must go.” He looked over at the Konnor and the demons. “Prepare him! Let her see what is to come. Then do what you wish.”
“No! He’s tricked you, you know this. Why isn’t it enough to know that God loves you the way she needs to?”
The highest of the angels, higher than Michael and Raphael, turned and walked off. She cried out to him again.