Other Stories: Sanity

I originally wasn’t going to put a picture with this one, because I couldn’t think of one that would be good enough. But after going over future plans, I decided to just grab something. This one is from the Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions Season 2, 2chu2koi, chuunikoi REN, kyoani spinners section of the Megatokyo Forums found at http://forums.megatokyo.com/index.php?showtopic=1738705&st=25


“So, tell me about Krystal.” She said to me as I sat across from her on the couch.

I don’t move. Don’t say one word. In fact, except for my breathing and blinking, I am still. I‘m trying not to think about her. I couldn’t, I can’t afford to. If I do, then they’ll see it, and she’d be able to get into my head again. I won’t let that happen.

I sit on the couch, stare at the floor. Eventually I will have to say something to her because if I don’t they’ll reschedule my other therapy time, put me in group sessions and force me to spill my guts.

I hate group therapy!

Oh my gods, just thinking about sitting with people is making me sick and she knows it. She’s using this to make me give up all my secrets again.

But I can’t talk about Krystal. I can’t think about her without crying. She hasn’t been in my life that long but still her name brings so much emotion it hurts. How can I describe that to anyone? How can anyone know the thrilling emptiness that courses through me when I hear her name, when I see her face? I haven’t felt this way since….

No!

I can’t think about that either.

I won’t!

Finally, my voice makes its way to my mouth, and exits slowly, softly and with much reserve. “Why should I? You say she doesn’t exist.”

“Because you believe she does.”

I try so hard not to let my eyes tear up, but Krystal brings forth so much emotion from me it’s hard. I can feel my heart start to beat faster with every passing moment and I have to stop it.

Don’t think of her red flowing hair and how it falls, cascading down her face, touches her shoulders. How it feels between my fingers.

Don’t think of her voice that whispers bravery to me that talks of comfort. I can do no wrong she says and I believe it. She can take me out of here and I believe it.

Don’t think of her sparkling green eyes that hold all the joy in the world and how they burn whenever she looks at me.

Don’t think of her perfume that lingers in my room after she’s been gone … for days sometimes. The way it clings to my skin, wraps itself around me until I’m dizzy from it.

Don’t think about how precious she makes me feel, like holding a ….

Oh my gods! Stop!

I close my eyes, knowing the Bitch is watching me, waiting for me to betray Krystal again. It’s the reason why she hadn’t been by to see me. I know it is. Who else would have had the guts to narc on me?

“I don’t want to talk about her.” I can hear the break in my voice. It croaked first, then faded.

“It’s part of your therapy, Val.”

I can hear the Bitch’s words, they didn’t mean anything. I can hear Krystal’s voice; that means more. [“I want you, Val, but don’t say anything. I won’t come to you if you talk about me. Don’t betray me again.”]

So I started humming a song, I don’t remember which one, but I think it was one Krystal liked hearing.

“Does she still not trust me?” The Bitch is trying to bring me back, but I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave my bubble. It’s safer here than anywhere else I know – except in Krystal’s arms.

“Val, we were making such progress. I’d hate to report again that you’ve regressed.”

“I haven’t regressed.”

“You’re humming game music again, Val.”

Game music? What is she …?

It’s a rush that comes to me now and it takes my breath away for only a moment, but I’m sure The Bitch has noticed it. Colors and sounds, images of people except they’re not people. Places I have no idea the location of right now, but I can see flora and fauna everywhere. And in the midst of it I can hear crying.

I don’t know where that’s coming from. Maybe I have to look for it? I don’t know. Will Krystal help me this time? She’s taken me through so many levels already, it’s hard to keep track.

There’s a movement out of the corner of my eye that makes me gasp and when I turn my eyes in that direction I see … whoa! What did I just see? It went by so quickly, but I’m sure, I’m sure that it was …

“Val? Are you ok?”

I can hear her voice but it’s faint under the music. I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. When I open them, I see the movement again, off by the other side of the couch. It’s really slight, but I know I saw a head pop up and look over at me. When I looked over at the Bitch, it’s like she’s there but not there, like it’s a picture of her or that she’s not real or not really there.

I am going crazy aren’t I? The crying is getting louder for a moment I’m not sure exactly what’s going on.

“I need to leave!” I blinked, startled by the sound of my own voice. I’m standing up now?

“It’s all right, Val, everything’s fine. The mountains are green.”

My eyes are wide, I can feel them as I sit up on the couch where I was lying down. My heart’s pounding and I can feel someone take a hold of my arms and lift me up to my feet. I don’t see that face anymore, I’m not sure what I’m seeing right now.

I think someone’s taking me back to my room.

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